It's Just A Temporary High

so lately things have been going really weird for me. in all aspects of everything. boys, school, cheer, work, and daily life.

this whole guy thing is stupid. I've had a steady thing with L for a while. hes been mentioned before in this blog. and I've got his lip biting fetish under control to give you a hint. but all i want is someone there for me and he doesn't know what he wants. its annoying. i wish he would make up his mind already cuz i don't like waiting.


last night was probably the weirdest, not going to lie. i did some things ill regret, and also did some things that i wouldn't mind if they turned into more. i don't even know where to begin with this. I'm sure it will come out later. just not yet.

i also have a new blog! woo hoo. its about music, its pretty rad.

I'm Not Perfect.

Soo, here's the deal. i don't open up. to anyone. its really hard for me, and i don't see the point cuz usually it backfires on me all the time. it gets old.

so i figured i would give you fellow people a little something to read. better read it all, otherwise ill find you and break your face :) no biggie. I'm just kidding. but anyways, hopefully you will be able to understand me more.

Numero Uno.

music is my life, for real. it gets me through things that a human couldn't possibly even try. theres a song for every moment in my day. if my life had a soundtrack it would be all over the place, and it would be an awesome soundtrack. for sure. i have a kick ass sound system and i am totally in love with it. if i have a bad day ill turn the bass all the way up and just go balls to the wall with any song that happens to come on. and i have these banging headphones when i want to tune out the world. listening to my ipod is me going to my happy place. if i have that look when I'm listening don't bother me because you will regret it. foo shizz.

Numero Dos.

i am a total tomboy. i hunt, i like cars, and i rarely dress up. if i come to school with a nice shirt on everyone always asks me if i have a date. the answer is usually yes but ill never tell them that. :) i really like cars. about two months ago i got into an almost life changing accident. 

i rolled my car. :( i really loved that car. like really loved it. you have no idea. it was the best to drive, it looked nice, it had everything i wanted, it was super fast, and nobody messed with me in it. but i was on my way to work, hit a spot in the road (going to fast cough cough) but not too fast. and lost control, rolled once and proceeded to freak the hell out. i was bawling and hyperventilating and all that fun stuff. i called my neighbor and he called 911 and i was airlifted to the hospital with a head injury. i wasn't hurt very bad.. the sunroof hit my head and i had a nasty scratch, its still there, and i got a little bit of nerve damage. exciting. but my car was pretty much screwed. 

Carlos After



Carlos Before



going to pick it up the next day i started crying. i was in there! right under the huge dent. if i was taller i probably wouldn't have been able to walk away from it or something like that. being short saved me :). so did a seat belt. if i wasn't wearing one i would've been ejected and the car would've landed on me. nasty stuff right there. but i got a new car now. payed for him allll by myself :)



Tommy :)





and i promised i would be careful! i go like 40 on the gravel and i only speed on nice roads. for real.





Numero Tres.
this is getting long. eh. I'm not a very patient person. i don't like waiting. i make things happen. I'm a do-er, not a thinker. that's just who i am. i act first and explain later, it gets me in trouble but i don't really care.

Numero Quarto.
i party, i drink, Ive tried weed once, and I'm not a saint, ill admit it. but i don't really care if you don't like that, its not like i put it before anything. i haven't been to a party since school started. partying is strictly a summer thing for me, not enough time during the school year! i do enjoy it though, its fun and I'm not dumb about it. i don't drink and drive and I'm almost always the DD but when I'm not i never drink too much. i remember everything that happens. ill never black out. that's unsafe.

Numero Cinco.
my grandmas are everything to me. they're not with me anymore but whenever i have a problem or i need help getting through a tough time i always pray to them.. it helps. sometimes i even write letters and then i put them in a save place. it sounds kind of like a movie thing but it really does help. it feels like they're there with me and i know that they can read them. i read a book about a boy who goes to heaven after almost dying. he describes it just like the bible. it sounds like a wonderful place and i am so happy that they're there. and i know that when i go up there someday ill be with them again. and that thought comforts me..




that's it for now. i gotta life. i gotta work. and i realllly have to shower.

TTFN (ta ta for now) :)

Kids And Their Technology

Currently I am In trig. Blogging. :) I've had this phone forever and I Just found a blogger app. Now I don't have an excuse not to update more often!

Smart phones are great because they're Just so damn convenient! I love it! They should've thought of this forever ago.

I'm sure That in the future there will be all sorts of exciting new toys to make our lives easier. Just don't get lazy and fat. Cuz that wont make your life easier at all!

My teacher is giving me the stink eye. So good day. :)

I Just Want You To Know Who I Am.

I have friends. alot of them. but that doesn't mean that I'm truly happy. i just don't feel like i can trust any of them. one of my friends i absolutely cannot stand.


i actually have no idea what to write really, nothing important happened today. and I'm just chilling here, listening to music. not doing homework when i should be. i think ill google ways to motivate me.
1. divide assignments into small chunks. okay, i can do that. but its still sooo big.
2. the 5 minute mind hack. basically tell yourself you're only going to study for 5 minutes and after that's up you can stop if you want to. its the matter of starting it first...
3. set some goals for yourself. this looks ok. its kinda like dividing it into small chunks. like do this then this then this. I've done this one before. it works when you start it.
4. give yourself a reward. this one sounds good i guess.
5. ask your friends/family to bug you about studying. that would get annoying.


my mom and my brother never fail to piss me off. just cant wait till graduation. college seems so fun! 185 days. 4,440 hours. 266,400 minutes. 15,984,000 seconds. seems like so much. but i guess it will come sooner than i think.




It's really good to hear your voice, saying my name it sounds so sweet.... (reminded me of CZ.)

He Tastes Like You, Only Sweeter.

Me and CZ. Yes, we look like crap. But it was raining.

So previously Ive always told myself that i wont get back with exes. but guess what! people change. surprising, right? but anyways.

me and CZ have a lot of history. ill give you the abbreviated version.

so i was recovering from a really hard breakup the spring of my sophomore year. i started talking to CZ, he was a sweet, innocent, nice guy. he had never had a girlfriend, and never had been kissed. but that eventually died down... he tried to chase me away.

after a brief and horrible dating period (rape and all those kinds of things, it was nasty) me and CZ started talking again. he made me feel like someone really cared, and didn't just want sex (sex is icky. don't do it) and we eventually started dating in July.

i was the happiest Ive ever been while dating him...

but all good things must come to an end.... i went through a really hard time (depression, it'll get to ya) and i found out that he had been talking to AT (she got caught on camera giving some guy head. he knew i hated her. like really hated her.) and i freaked out. i didn't dump him them but i started talking to and seeing this other guy, JK (i dated him eventually, ill tell you soon). i kissed him and CZ found out... he still didn't break up with me. he was such a good guy.... i eventually broke up with him because i had no idea what the hell to do... i crushed him. and i loved him so much, ill admit that i still do...

we went our separate ways... i started dating JK, and he started dating AT. pissed me off. we didn't really talk until he broke up with her. and didn't start hanging out until like 2 weeks ago. i had a bad night and i went to him....

I'm glad i did..

but i went to his house last night and things seemed like old times.. like nothing has changed. he made me feel like someone cared and wanted me to be happy......



i could get used to that..
again.

I guess thats why they say every rose has its thorn..

So..  i know its been waaaay too long. but a lot of things have been going on and Ive been super busy. like, really super busy.

i spose i should inform you guys about some of the happenings. --

• ended my thinger with Connecticut.
• started a thing with SH.
• ended a thing with SH.
• started a thing with JP.
• ended a thing with JP.
• started hanging out with my ex, CZ.
• kissed my ex, CZ :)
• liked kissing my ex, CZ.
• been talking to my ex-turned-best-friend CH.
• been way to busy to even have decent hygiene.
• got waaaay behind in all my classes.
• still am behind in my classes.
• rolled my car. :(
• lost my grandma...
• got a fake facebook relationship with my best guy friend, BA.
• crashed my iPod.
• been car searching.

that's all i can really think of right now! ill elaborate more later. and this time i promise ill keep it more up to date! this is my senior year, it needs to be documented because ill probably be famous some day :)




song I'm obsessed about as of now::

Long Time, No See

sorry its been so long! ive been suuuper busy with work and school. and just busy all around!

ill write more later because i have a huge to-do list right now, but ill fit this in somehow :) i am pretty much a super human!

It's All Right

so. I've always had this guy on the side. like a just-in-case guy. as in just in case i have nobody else, hes always there. and I'm not really talking emotionally, more physically. but anyways. hes always really liked me.

lately, with all the stupid guy drama *NOTE - the guy i talk about in my "I Kissed A Boy And I Liked It" post, Logan, basically played me. not cool. when i found out i was livid. that was about two nights ago. and this HUGE party that was supposed to take place but didn't.* but anyways, with all this guy drama I've been talking to him and hanging out with him more and more.

hes not a bad guy, just some of the things he does annoys me. like hes a really tongue-y kisser and he sweats easily (its better than Logan who bit my fricken lip off, guys- that hurts! i like the biting but keep it to a minimum por favor.) but theres also some good things about him. he will basically buy me anything i want, hes rich (!!!), and he lets me do my own thing. like i know the definition of what I'm doing is playing him but hes okay with it.

but i think I'm kind of starting to have a thing for him, cuz before i talked to him just enough so he would stick around and we didn't really hang out alot either. but i don't know if its because I'm desperate (actually, that's not it, because I'm never desperate cuz theres always someone out there!) or if I'm actually starting to like him. oh well, if everything was easy it would be called your mom.

I'm sorry. that was offensive. i take it back.

so to make things easier we will call him Connecticut. hes 19 (Legal!! bonus.) and in college with a high paying job. the only set back is that he gets in trouble for smokin that sweet, great green. and he cant drive until September. but once he starts again I'm sure he will have a nice car :)

i know, i know. last time i dated a rich guy things turned out badly. but i don't think they will happen this time cuz he is so obsessed with me that he will literally do anything for me.

I Love Being Me :)

The Little Things

soooo. today was a weird day, full of weird happenings. so I'm going to make a list of the things that amuse me and make me feel all warm and fuzzy :)

• getting messages on facebook :)
• boys calling me beautiful.
• my favorite song coming on the iPod
• singing like a fool with my friends :)
• when a table leaves me a big tip :D
• when my brother does whatever i ask him to do
• when my parents give me money.
• when a slide show has a kick ass transition :P
• eating <3

Music Is My Life

So cute :)

List ten musical artists BEFORE reading the following questions. Don't be lame and ruin it for yourself.
1. Lil Wayne
2. Down With Webster
3. Eminem
4. Katy Perry
5. 3Oh!3
6. My Darkest Days
7. BrokenCyde
8.  Chris Brown
9. Def Leoppard
10. Far East Movement

1. What was the first song you ever heard by number six?

(My Darkest Days) Porn Star Dancing :P

2. What is your favorite song by number eight?

(Chris Brown) Look At Me Now

 

3. What kind of impact has number one had on your life?

(Lil Wayne) huge impact. he sings/raps my life and hes a great person to look up to (except the drugs and jail time :/)

4. What is your favorite lyric by number five?

(3Oh!3) "Don't trust a ho"

 

5. How many times have you seen number four in concert?

(Katy Perry) never! but i would loveee to!

 

6. What is your favorite song by number seven?

(BrokenCyde) pretty sure its Freaxx. or Sorry. one of those two.

7. Is there a song by number three that makes you sad?

(Eminem) yes. lots of them :(. but probably When I'm Gone is connected to the bad times of my life..

 

8. What is your favorite song by number nine?

(Def Leopardd) Pour Some Sugar On Me. for sure :D

9. How did you first discover number two?

(Down With Webster) through the Canadian music video awards!

10. How did you first discover number three?

(Eminem) pretty sure hes basically been around forever. but probably through his silly songs.

 

11. What is your favorite song by number four?

(Katy Perry) hmm. all of them! but E.T. is my jam. for sure. 

12. Is there a song by number eight that makes you sad?

(Chris Brown) yes. there is. i forgot what its called though!! 

13. How many times have you seen number six live

(My Darkest Days) never! ugh. I'm sheltered! 

14. What is your favorite song by number one?

(Lil Wayne) oh jeeze. where to start. probably I'm So Over You. or What's Wrong With Them

 

15. How did you become a fan of number ten?(Far East Movement) just from hearing their songs on the radio

Drama

People who engage in "drama" will usually attempt to drag other people into their dramatic state, as a way of gaining attention or making their own lives more exciting.

Common warning signs/ risk factors of drama or a dramatic person are:

1. Having one supposedly serious problem after another.

2. Constantly telling other people about one's problems.

3. Extreme emotionality or frequently shifting, intense emotions.

4. Claiming to have experienced negative events that are highly implausible.

5. A boring job or mundane life.

6. Making claims without sufficient evidence or a lack of detail about supposedly serious events.

7. A pattern of irrational behavior and reactions to everyday problems.

(thank you, www.urbandictionary.com for understanding the life of young adults)

So lately, there has been a lot of drama in my life. and school hasnt even started yet. its depressing because im sure ill get enough of it during school. i dont need it on my vacation..

well me and Joe (the 21 year old) got into a huge fight last night. im talking about all out screaming and name calling and accusing and all that shit. all this took place in my car. with his/my friend in the back half the time. I'm sorrry anthony :/.

it was about me talking to other guys. of course. cuz i fuck every single guy i talk to. i had to clear all my guy friends with him. i didnt talk to any of my ex's or past things. i didnt even accept friend requests from guys. i sacrificed so much for him. some of my friends dont even talk to me anymore because of him. just fuck that. because ive learned that guys arent even worth your time. theyre only good for a while and after that theyre usless and a source of drama.

but i have to get off before i break this keyboard.

I'm so pissed.

I Kissed A Boy And I Liked It

soo. last night i had a visitor :) hes just great. like hes basically my dream guy. Ive been crushing on him for like ever! but the problem is that I'm always with somebody.

like right now. technically i have a boyfriend thing (the 21 year old) but at the same time I'm single. it doesn't make sense to me either. but i want to distance myself from this guy but hes kind of protective and to be honest i don't really trust him completely at all. and when i don't trust them i mess around :/. I'm not a very good girlfriend....

but this guy. hes a wrestler, fighter, hard worker, hes solid :), likes to get close, likes to joke around, not a prude, a farm boy but not a hick, and hes just amazing :). and he just happened to kiss me last night! and hes a good kisser. extra plus!

i always said that i wouldn't have a boyfriend senior year... but that's hard for me because i always have a boyfriend. i think the longest I've been totally single was like 2 weeks. and its not like i haven't tried or anything. and don't think I'm like bragging or anything, I'm just saying.

but since this is the guy I've wanted forever..

I just might make an exception :)

3 Followers

'nuff said.

thanks guys!

Chill.

so, I've been recently grounded (stayed out late again, bad Nora.) so today is just a sit-at-home-and-watch-crappy-TV-or-go-on-the-computer day. i need one of these days every once in a while. and it helps that i usually sleep in till like 2 when i don't have to get up.

today i have achieved a huge moral victory. i have learned the golden secret to making the perfect ramen noodles. all hail me, the ramen noodle queen.

wow.. i really have no life! well maybe if i was a good girl and came home when i was supposed to, which never happens.

what am i talking about? I'm a perfect angel. the horns hold the halo baby :)

well I'm off to a tiny ass town where i can just chill out with a friend, even though I'm grounded.

I'm such a rebel. :)

** ps. so this video makes me laugh every time. and guess what!? theres three of them!! goody :)

The Real World

so.. as summer is coming to a close (which sucks btw) then it will be back to the real world. seeing those people you cant stand every day doesnt sound very attractive to me. and all the homework. it sucks. i am guaranteed with a ton of homework.

and, this is a post where i dont really have anything to say, just sort of babbling on.

well i guess i do have something to talk about. so i was kinda sorta dating this guy. we were together but never really established any labels. they were just kinda there. he was so great and amazing and 3 and a half years older. the legal limit in this stupid state is 3 years. even though i dont get why cuz we were perfectly fine.

but anyways, he had a talk with me and we split up. but i went on a road trip with him and some friends yesterday, i was planning on giving him his space and not like crowding him ya kno? so i sat in back with his/my two friends and i guess i "flirted" with one of them constantly. i dont kno since when talking has became flirting but whatever i guess.

but he was talking to me last night about how one of my friends worries him. then he goes on about how im single and i can do whatever i want. but then he continues to say that i flirted with his friend and it seemed kind of sketchy. then of course he went back to saying i was single. then he has to go for some reason and hes just like "ill see you tomorrow"
"uhh what?" i asked him
"my grandma is coming to town around 2 if you want to meet her"
"what will i be doing the whole time your with her? just chillin with your friends and mom?"
"no, you can come with, im sure she will be fine with that"
"oh, okey then i guess"
"ok. ill see you later then"
so obviously im not totally single if i cant talk to other guys and am going to visit/meet his grandma.

this does make me feel better though cuz i really liked him :)

Friend zone? Never :)

Short and Sweet, Just Like Me!

so the reason why i havent been religiously posting like i usually do is that i am at the family lake cabin for the weekend. no wifi, just an old fashioned verizon internet thinger. but this year the lake is miserable.

i am sick. yes, sick. this f-ing sucks. today was the day i would finally stand up on the wakeboard! but noooo. i have to have this stupid viral infection that got passed down to me by *a'hem* that one person. so right now i am sitting inside, watching the family clean weeds, im sort of happy. but i wanna be out there in the water but god forbid, if i catch something from a killer fish or whatever.

but i did get to do one exciting thing. blow up this massive raft. im excited to say that i am allowed to go on said raft. yippee.

so the moral of the story is to not go to the lake when sick. or just dont go anywhere for that matter.

Pro-Ana? No, Anti-Ana.

ok so before i even go into this I'm just going to say that i have no problem with pro-Ana people. I'm not hating on you guys or anything. this is just solely my opinion and i just hope you get the help you need.

there are two types of anorexics.

1. people who do it just for attention. these are the people who don't necessarily need to starve themselves, they just do it so others will notice and take pity/notice them. sometimes these people already get attention, but they just want more, and nothing is more serious and attention getting then being obvious about going to the bathroom after each meal or declaring loudly that they haven't eaten that day.
2. people who really need help. these are the people that have troubled home lives, are depressed, or have been bullied to the point. I've heard too many stories of girls killing themselves over what other little snobs have said. nobody should be pushed to that point. and the bullies are nothing more than murderers who shouldn't be allowed out in public. these are the ones that keep it a secret and don't tell anyone. usually the quiet ones who don't go fishing for complements.

I am not for anorexia in any way, shape, or form. I'm kind of cocky. i think i look amazing, and i don't let anyone tell me otherwise. if i let people get to me then it just brings me down and wastes my time. i think a high self esteem is key for life in general.





this is me, in all my glory.

im 4' 11'' and 111 pounds at my last check. i love my body and the things i can do with it. i can run 3 miles right now and I'm not even in shape. i cheer, run cross country and track, and i kinda sorta want to be a cage fighter :P. i don't let anyone get me down, and even though i get crap constantly for my height, i don't let it get to me cuz i know that i am me and i love it and nobody can even try to change it.

what I've eaten today:

chips & salsa..................160 calories

turkey & provolone sammy..270 calories

mac & cheese.................150 calories

Dr. Pete soda...................35 calories

on-the-go applesauce..........60 calories

total............................675 calories

So come on, try me.

for tips on anorexia go to this site www.anorexiahelp.net its really good and it will help you get the help you need. i know a couple people who are/were anorexic and they're recovering, so theres hope!

This Has No Point.

i haven't actually decided what I'm going to write about. i just wanted to write. when i was seeing a shrink he suggested this "exercise" to me alot. it was the cure-all for him i guess. I'm still not sure what i was being cured of but he gave me tons of pills that tasted gross and were made of plants or something i dunno.

Rocky said that if you just sat and wrote then your true feelings would come out eventually. it might be hard at first but it will. i never actually did the writing thing, granted, i never did anything he told me to do. i don't know why. i just didn't see what was wrong with me but he obviously found something.

At one of our sessions i made the mistake of telling him i was afraid of spiders. biiiiig mistake. the next time i came in there was a fricken tarantula in one of those little glass cage things sitting on his desk. he took it out and let it crawl on the desk, he told me to pick it up and I'm pretty sure i peed my pants right then. thing is, i hate spiders, i really really REALLY don't like them. I'm not sure why but they just get to me. i mean what the hell crawls around and eats guts with 8 legs and 8 eyes??? just not natural.

but anyways, he hooked me up to this machine one time and did a whole ton of tests. he poked my fingers with this thing that supposedly told you what was wrong with me. you know what came out? a whole crap ton of nothing. yeah, it said there was depression and lack of calcium, but there was so many other things. my color was off (wtf?! i know right?) i guess it was yellow when it was supposed to be green or blue or something. i didn't know people had colors inside them. and i had a fricken parasite. gross!

so as I'm sitting here in our ugly green chair, looking over our spacious property of grass and tree(s) i haven't discovered my true feelings at all other than that i really don't like spiders. maybe theres a hidden message? "fear things you don't trust" something like that. cuz i don't trust spiders at all. just having 8 of something, anything, is sketchy to me.

Thanks Rocky. for accomplishing nothing.

oh well. shift happens (ha, what a pun. i saw that on a shirt, it had a keyboard and everything). but here's a song i just thought about this morning. i have no idea why. but enjoy!



Bitches Be Smitten

adj. the term used by black people to describe a girl who is in a bitchy mood.

i kno a girl who is smitten alllll the time. like really, does your life suck so much that you have to make other people's lives suck too?

i saw her yesterday, at her place of employment, bitching like always. it gets old sometimes. people just stop caring after a while.

she would be a really good friend if she wasnt so damn two faced all the time. she does kno how to have fun (maybe not clean fun, but fun) and hanging out with her was an interesting time, for sure.

but as the greatest man alive (and my husband) said.
"you can never know how, how things can turn around" 
my history teacher would be proud of me. sourcing! (btw. thats lil wayne for all you uneducated fellows.)

but that is it for now. im just a ranting bitch, i kno.

maybe im smitten.... :)

Legalize It

so.. I'm new to the whole "smoking up" thing. and before i started i was all into that DARE 'just say no' stuff. but once i started, i realized that its not that bad at all.

all it does is just put you in a chill mood. is there anything wrong with that?

now, i haven't seen it seriously affect anyone and i think its much safer than drinking, i mean if everyone smoked then the world would just be a chill place.

no fights, no wars, no drama. just happy.. all the time.

Age Differences

To some people, age difference might be a big deal. But what is it really? Is it just a number or is there more to it?

My guy is 21, and im still in high school. I kno a 16 year old that was dating a 24 year old. Is that wrong? It shouldnt really matter if you really like your significant other. But the funny thing is that when you reach a certain age (say, 18) then it doesn't matter how old your other half is. I think this is wrong.

So. He had a "talk" with me yesterday, said we needed to keep what we have on the down low. It kinda made me sad, but I understand where he's coming from. In prison 'child molestors' get beat up daily, it's just hell for them. And I don't want that for him. But I don't want anything to change.

So, the moral of the story is that age doesn't, shouldn't, make a difference when it comes to your dating interests. After all, it is just a number.

I Feel Like Dancing Tonight

Hello.

I'm new to this. So jut trying it out. All you need to kno about me right now is that I'm a senior. Gotta love high school. Can't wait till im done.

But, off to my job. More later. I promise!

(sorry if this sucks, it will get better I promise)