I Just Want You To Know Who I Am.

I have friends. alot of them. but that doesn't mean that I'm truly happy. i just don't feel like i can trust any of them. one of my friends i absolutely cannot stand.


i actually have no idea what to write really, nothing important happened today. and I'm just chilling here, listening to music. not doing homework when i should be. i think ill google ways to motivate me.
1. divide assignments into small chunks. okay, i can do that. but its still sooo big.
2. the 5 minute mind hack. basically tell yourself you're only going to study for 5 minutes and after that's up you can stop if you want to. its the matter of starting it first...
3. set some goals for yourself. this looks ok. its kinda like dividing it into small chunks. like do this then this then this. I've done this one before. it works when you start it.
4. give yourself a reward. this one sounds good i guess.
5. ask your friends/family to bug you about studying. that would get annoying.


my mom and my brother never fail to piss me off. just cant wait till graduation. college seems so fun! 185 days. 4,440 hours. 266,400 minutes. 15,984,000 seconds. seems like so much. but i guess it will come sooner than i think.




It's really good to hear your voice, saying my name it sounds so sweet.... (reminded me of CZ.)

He Tastes Like You, Only Sweeter.

Me and CZ. Yes, we look like crap. But it was raining.

So previously Ive always told myself that i wont get back with exes. but guess what! people change. surprising, right? but anyways.

me and CZ have a lot of history. ill give you the abbreviated version.

so i was recovering from a really hard breakup the spring of my sophomore year. i started talking to CZ, he was a sweet, innocent, nice guy. he had never had a girlfriend, and never had been kissed. but that eventually died down... he tried to chase me away.

after a brief and horrible dating period (rape and all those kinds of things, it was nasty) me and CZ started talking again. he made me feel like someone really cared, and didn't just want sex (sex is icky. don't do it) and we eventually started dating in July.

i was the happiest Ive ever been while dating him...

but all good things must come to an end.... i went through a really hard time (depression, it'll get to ya) and i found out that he had been talking to AT (she got caught on camera giving some guy head. he knew i hated her. like really hated her.) and i freaked out. i didn't dump him them but i started talking to and seeing this other guy, JK (i dated him eventually, ill tell you soon). i kissed him and CZ found out... he still didn't break up with me. he was such a good guy.... i eventually broke up with him because i had no idea what the hell to do... i crushed him. and i loved him so much, ill admit that i still do...

we went our separate ways... i started dating JK, and he started dating AT. pissed me off. we didn't really talk until he broke up with her. and didn't start hanging out until like 2 weeks ago. i had a bad night and i went to him....

I'm glad i did..

but i went to his house last night and things seemed like old times.. like nothing has changed. he made me feel like someone cared and wanted me to be happy......



i could get used to that..
again.

I guess thats why they say every rose has its thorn..

So..  i know its been waaaay too long. but a lot of things have been going on and Ive been super busy. like, really super busy.

i spose i should inform you guys about some of the happenings. --

• ended my thinger with Connecticut.
• started a thing with SH.
• ended a thing with SH.
• started a thing with JP.
• ended a thing with JP.
• started hanging out with my ex, CZ.
• kissed my ex, CZ :)
• liked kissing my ex, CZ.
• been talking to my ex-turned-best-friend CH.
• been way to busy to even have decent hygiene.
• got waaaay behind in all my classes.
• still am behind in my classes.
• rolled my car. :(
• lost my grandma...
• got a fake facebook relationship with my best guy friend, BA.
• crashed my iPod.
• been car searching.

that's all i can really think of right now! ill elaborate more later. and this time i promise ill keep it more up to date! this is my senior year, it needs to be documented because ill probably be famous some day :)




song I'm obsessed about as of now::